Writing

Thoughts on where I am now as a writer

Lately, I have been utterly crap at blogging. I used to love, love, love it. It used to give me such a boost. But, recently, I feel like I’ve had so much on my plate it wasn’t worth my time.

But, today, I just needed to write.

Blogging used to be like my open diary. I want to use it as a platform to do that again.

So I may not have made it as a published novelist yet. This has always been my dream. I used to be so full of hope. Thing is, I wanted to get there by now.

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When I first wrote my bucket list when I was 15, I wanted to be a published novelist by the age of 21. I know, ambitious, much? Now I am 25 and past me is niggling in my mind about how, stupidly, I’ve let her down. How do I learn to ignore that voice?

I need to learn to be proud of my achievements.

If you had told me a few years ago that I am currently where I am now, I would’ve felt a warm honey spreading sensation growing through my chest, wandering all over my heart. I would’ve been so pleased.

Partly so I can share it with the world, and partly so I can write it down and force myself to learn that I am not a failure, here’s what I have to be writerly thankful for:

Right now, I am pleased to be able to say that I write blogs for my local independent bookshop Lost in Books and get to share my love of reading with the world; I am getting a short story published later on in the year in an actual hard copy book Cornwall: Misfits, Curiosities and Legends; and I am the founder and editor of online publication PaperBound Magazine, designed to celebrate kidlit and YA up and coming authors and illustrators, and I get to work with brilliant people who are helping me realise it into existence.

There. I said it. Phew.

So why am I beating myself up so much lately? I don’t know.

I feel like I have no time. I give myself a thousand things to do – and I love doing them so much – but sometimes I can feel like I have too much. In truth, I don’t really. I just need to put less pressure on myself. I just want to do everything all at once, because I always feel like I’m running out of time. Lockdown era has been awful for the entire world, but I know it has helped my creativity and helped to settle my mind and appreciate nature a whole lot more.

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*Sigh* if only my mind could be as calm and settled as this harbour in Penryn

But that pressure of time dwindling and never getting to achieve everything is in the back of my mind constantly – and it looms large.

So here’s me being honest. This is an honesty post. And, to be actually honest, I’m not sure if you’re really going to want to read it, but I need to write this down, for me.

So here’s to all the writers out there who feel like they’re running out of time, who feel like they can never be proud of something they create until that voice in their head says it’s okay to finally relax, to the writers who want to be the very best they can be, and have no idea when they’re going to get there.

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Is my writing career out there on the horizon somewhere, or is it all just an ocean of doubt?

Do you guys ever feel like this too? Or is it just me?

 

4 thoughts on “Thoughts on where I am now as a writer”

  1. You have achieved a LOT! But I do understand – you haven’t quite got to where you want to be and what you haven’t done (yet) feels more important than what you have done (which is a LOT!) It seems to be the same for so many of us (I include myself here, especially when younger) that we struggle to appreciate the here and now and strive too hard for the future. I hope writing it down here helped. It’s your blog – use it in whatever way works best for you 😊 And good luck!

      1. So glad it helped 😊 It might also help to know that thanks to your blog I’ve signed up for the bookshop newsletter! I’ll pay a visit one day 😁 xx

      2. Oh, that’s so wonderful! Thanks so much – I hope you will enjoy getting the newsletter when it arrives in your inbox. The bookshop is such a wonderful place, it feels so different from any other indie bookshop (though they are all just as fabulous!) 🙂 xx

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